#arc

Great,' I said. 'Visit exotic Australia. Get bitten by an exotic snake. Die exotically. ↗

— Steven Gould

#sarcasm #humor

Or, I could just sit in the bushes and pump the hand pump until the plumbing was superpressurized to 110 psi. This way, when someone goes to flush a toilet, the toilet tank will explode. At 150 psi, if someone turns on the shower, the water pressure will blow off the shower head, strip the threads, blam, the shower head turns into a mortar shell. Tyler only says this to make me feel better. The truth is I like my boss. Besides, I'm enlightened now. You know, only Buddha-style behavior. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor

I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him. 'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#sarcasm #humor

The cleanest civilization I’ve ever seen…and the number one thing you pack for a wedding is a jar of dirt? ↗

— M.A. George

#paranormal-romance #sarcastic-humor #wedding-traditions #humor

How does knowing 'things could be worse' than what I already deem is awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy! ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#pessimism #richelle #richelle-goodrich #sarcasm #sarcasm-humor

Color in certain places has the great value of making the outlines and structural planes seem more energetic. ↗

— Antonio Gaudi

#certain #color #energetic #great #making

My body is a cage that keeps me from dancing with the one I love, but my mind holds the key. ↗

— Arcade Fire

#body #cage #key #my-body-is-a-cage #love

Hoover Dam," Thalia said. "It's huge." We stood at the river's edge, looking up at a curve of concrete that loomed between the cliffs. People were walking along the top of the dam. They were so tiny they looked like fleas. The naiads had left with a lot of grumbling—not in words I could understand, but it was obvious they hated this dam blocking up their nice river. Our canoes floated back downstream, swirling in the wake from the dam's discharge vents. "Seven hundred feet tall," I said. "Built in the 1930s." "Five million cubic acres of water," Thalia said. Graver sighed. "Largest construction project in the United States." Zoe stared at us. "How do you know all that?" "Annabeth," I said. "She liked architecture." "She was nuts about monuments," Thalia said. "Spouted facts all the time." Grover sniffled. "So annoying." "I wish she were here," I said. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#grover-underwood #percy-jackson #thalia-grace #zoe-nightshade #architecture

Knock him out, Paris!” “Sure. Want me to spew diamonds from my ass while I’m at it? ↗

— Gena Showalter

#paris

It is only when we have renounced our preoccupation with "I," "me," "mine," that we can truly possess the world in which we live. Everything, provided that we regard nothing as property. And not only is everything ours; it is also everybody else's. ↗

— Aldous Huxley

#communism #hinduism #socialism #spirituality #anarchy