#ark

Be careful you don't cut yourself. The edges are sharp enough to shave with.' 'Girls don't shave', Arya said. 'Maybe they should. Have you ever seen the septa's legs? ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#a-song-of-ice-and-fire #arya-stark #cutting #funny #george-r-r-martin

Two cannibals were eating a comedian, and one of them turns to the other and asks, 'Does this taste funny to you? ↗

— Nicholas Sparks

#the-lucky-one #funny

Travis: The Aphrodite kids were ripping each other’s clothes and throwing lipstick and jewellery. It was like a rabid herd of wild Bratz. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#pranks #travis-barker #funny

Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do? ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#dark-hunter #funny #nhumour #funny

For most vampires, it's an automatic response - scent blood, fangs drop. ↗

— J.A. London

#funny #vampires #funny

Funny that. We live in islands of Hours and we never seem to have time enough for anything... ↗

— Clive Barker

#absolute-midnight #clive-barker #time #wasted-time #funny

What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. ↗

— Stephen King

#funny #humourous #funny

I used to go to Vegas and play the horses, and then I realised how ridiculous that was. There is no winning in gambling, but there is on the stock market. ↗

— Josh Brolin

#go #horses #how #i #market

I think infatuation is like a garden. If tended and cared for, it grows into love. If neglected or abused it dies. The only way to have eternal love is to never let your heart forget what it's like to live without it. -Vane ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#love

The owner of The Mandrake Hotel and Resort is a man called Rot, a billionaire like Bill Gates, only nerdier. 
 Rot Kugelschreiber isn’t the name he was born with. No, the name on his birth certificate is Dark Jar Tin Zoo. He chose that penname because in German it means Red Pen—and a Red Pen is mightier than a Red Sword, which in turn is mightier than a Rothschild. 
 Most of the time he goes by Rot, but occasionally he reverts back to Dark Jar Tin Zoo. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #pseudonym #funny