#awe

A karate black belt would make a great blindfold on a kidnap victim, after you karate chop them into submission.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #blindfold #funny #humor #karate

I was just kidding, shuck-face," Minho said. "Let's all go over there. She could have an army of psycho girl ninjas hiding in that shack of hers." "Psycho girl ninjas?" Newt repeated, his voice showing he was surprised, if not annoyed, by Minho's additude. ↗

— James Dashner

#epic #humor #ninjas #humor

Mr. Pot drank ten pots of coffee, even though I only made eight. That’s a savings of 20%!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #coffee #funny #humor #random

I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it in exactly 200 meters.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #compete #competition #competitive #delusional

Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, why don’t you go all out and write in Lucifer on the ballot?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #politicians #politics

Principled hate is a hell of a lot stronger than "Boy, I wish you hadn't mummified me and thrown me into the lake" hate. ↗

— John Green

#humor #humor

I am better then most people in life. -Rustin Hieber ↗

— Ryan Higa

#humor #justin-bieber #nigahiga #random-quote #ryan-higa

Yelling doesn't get your point across, it only makes it louder. ↗

— Grant Hill

#common-sense #humor #humor

It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #poetry #humor

Miles was still mourning the loss of his Romantic Plan. 'There was going to be champagne, and oysters, and you' -- he held out both hands as though shifting a piece of furniture -- 'were going to be sitting there, and I was going to get down on one knee, and...and... ↗

— Lauren Willig

#miles-is-awesome #relationships #romance #love