#awesome

Look, I asked you here for a reason. Much as I hate to admit it, vampire, we have something in common." "Totally awesome hair?" Simon suggested. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#quip #simon-lewis #awesome

My friends call me Wrath," says Raffe. "My enemies call me Please Have Mercy. What's your name, soldier boy?" Raffe's mocking tone brings a flush to my cheeks for no reason. ↗

— Susan Ee

#love-him #supermegafoxyawesomehot #love

You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story. ↗

— Barney Stinson

#happiness #humor #inspirational #sadness #humor

Huevos up. Swing up to the window, swing back to Al B. Hall, who says, "Bless you," and would I get him a bottle of Satan's Red-Hot Revenge for the eggs? Sure thing, Pastor. ↗

— Joan Bauer

#funny #funny

If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because women like guys with lots of money.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #money #random

The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #choice #funny #humor #money

I stitched an itch to my side. As far as surgeries go, I’m just barely scratching the surface.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #itch #itching

It’s hard to wear a Speedo and pose with an erection. Still, I’ve got to try, every Saturday from 9 am to 8:59 pm.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but you knows exactly what you want? Only your clone. And besides being the perfect gift, it’d also be a surprise, because it’s not like you bought your own gift. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought