#ay

In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#arrested #because #breath #catching #completely

President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#awkward #baseball #bush #canada #cards

Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#attorney #been #claims #cruise #exhaustion

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.' ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#better #duh #i #just #men

According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60 percent already live here. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#already #been #chance #got #here

During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#bush #debate #during #each #edwards

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#arnold #arnold schwarzenegger #bad #california #calling

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#education #given #good #good idea #homework

Every comedian dreams of hosting 'The Tonight Show' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#did #dreams #every #got #hosting

In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#chances #changed #elections #five #had