#bi

Walking down the beach alone at night when my headband flashlight has run out of batteries, and hearing sailors’ cries for help as their boats run up against the rocky coastline, and then getting a ticket from a policeman for improper lighthouse navigation behavior ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny-and-random #lighthouse #shipwreck #funny

The world looks very different to me now at twenty. I have outgrown my early opinions and ideals with my short dresses, just as Mrs. Walton said we would. Now the critics can say 'Thou waitest till thy woman's fingers wrought the best that lay within thy woman's heart. ↗

— Annie Fellows Johnston

#funny #sophomoric #funny

Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to other people. I’m a person like those people.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange

A blanket can be wrapped around one’s head and used as a helmet. It’s particularly appropriate if you wear your blanket helmet during a pillow fight with me, because unbeknownst to you, I’ll have a brick stuffed at the bottom of my pillowcase.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

I would rather die than be a plumber, but thanks to lead I can do both. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #plumbing #funny

I'm not the one going for a biology degree. I'm just a philosophy major who eats people. ↗

— Scott Westerfeld

#funny #humor #parasites #vampires #zombies

Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil! ↗

— Golda Meir

#funny #moses #funny

To suppose that the eye with all its inimitable contrivances for adjusting the focus to different distances, for admitting different amounts of light, and for the correction of spherical and chromatic aberration, could have been formed by natural selection, seems, I confess, absurd in the highest degree...The difficulty of believing that a perfect and complex eye could be formed by natural selection , though insuperable by our imagination, should not be considered subversive of the theory. ↗

— Charles Darwin

#confessions-of-the-darwinists #conjecture #darwin #darwinism #darwinist-confessions

In the end, the sum of my vices is all me. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#self-awareness #self-awareness

Excuse me if I feel skeptical,' I said. 'Coach's foot fell off. How exactly do you propose to cure that? Superglue? ↗

— Carrie Harris

#zombies #skepticism