#black

Blackouts can be fun if approached with the right mindset. You just can't sweat the fact that you've lost a small portion of your life for all eternity. Occasionally, little bubbles of memory will float up like surreal Mylar party balloons at unexpected times throughout the net day and start piecing together a colorful, if incomplete, version of reality. ↗

— Josh Kilmer-Purcell

#alcoholism #blackout #drugs #funny #humor

Which is your bad shoulder?" His brows knit together. "The left," he said carefully. She slugged him in the right. He staggered. Steadied himself. Grinned. "Is that like some weird Wyoming mating ritual thing I should know about?" "Damn you," she cried, flying into his arms. Finally. "Damn you, damn you, damn you!" He wrapped his arms around her, held her tight. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was such a coward. ↗

— Cindy Gerard

#cindy-gerard #funny #happy-ending #humor #love

... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#dark-humor #ego #egotism #egotist #funny

I like to write in poorly lit conditions. It allows darkness to creep into my humor, and bad eyesight to excuse me from accountability. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #writing #funny

The door to the situation room door opened, drawing her attention to a tall, lean man with eyes as sharp as razors. The sound of a metal chair scraping on the tile floor filled the room as Reed shot to his feet, stood at attention, and saluted crisply. The man stopped, scowled, and heaved a heavy sigh. "All right you clown. At ease. It hasn't been that long since I've been here." "Just showing my respect, sir," Reed said with a smart-ass grin. "It's not often we're fortunate enough to be in the company of such greatness. ↗

— Cindy Gerard

#boi-s #funny #laugh-out-loud #men-acting-like-boys #reed

Most of the laugh tracks on television were recorded in the early 1950’s. These days, most of the people you hear laughing are dead. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#horror #trivia #humor

Just once" Blay said softly. "Do it just once. So I'll know what it's like. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#qhuinn-and-blay #black-dagger-brotherhood

Color is the overpowering of black; white – the final victory over black. ↗

— Dejan Stojanovic

#color #dejan-stojanovic #final #final-vctory #literature

Courtesy of their tempers, both were now dressed in the Captain Asshole costume—which included, for no extra charge, the cape of disgrace, the booties of shame, and keys to the Fuck Up mobile. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor #tohrment #humor

For fuck's sake, get off the cross. Someone else needs the wood. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#phury #zsadist #black-dagger-brotherhood