#cat

My name is Skippito Friskito. (clap-clap) I fear not a single bandito. (clap-clap) My manners are mellow, I'm sweet like the Jell-o, I get the job done, yes indeed-o. (clap-clap) ↗

— Judy Schachner

#humor #mexican #siamese-cats #skippyjon-jones #humor

Not all librarians are evil cultists. Some librarians are instead vengeful undead who want to suck your soul. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #librarians #humor

My hobby is extreme Catholic behavior -- BEFORE the Reformation. ↗

— John Waters

#catholic #eccentric #extreme #humor #john-waters

I told them he hit on me and that I was showing him my wrestling moves. I think they maybe believed it." I pull on my seat belt and roll down the window even though it's cold. I need to be able to smell for pixies. "We can't leave until everyone's out. I want to be sure nothing happens." "Did they really believe you Devyn asks. My breath whooshes out with the reality of it and I adjust my previous statement. "I don't think so." "Well there's another lovely complication." Devyn groans. ↗

— Carrie Jones

#complications #love

Arise from sleep, old cat, And with great yawns and stretchings... Amble out for love ↗

— Kobayashi Issa

#love #sleepiness #love

Drunken men give some of the best pep talks. ↗

— Criss Jami

#best #conversation #drink #drinking #drunk

When you take advice from a cat, there are always consequences. ↗

— Elora Bishop

#cat #elora-bishop #humor #sappho-s-fables #humor

Look, we need to make time, but we also need to be somewhat quiet." She faced him. "I am being quiet!" Pathik held a finger up to his lips. "Seriously. Quite. You don't really want to attract a lot of attention out here if you can help it." Rachel didn't like the sound of that. "Are there sheep-cats? ↗

— Teri Hall

#humor #line #sheep #teri-hall #humor

But if there was a protocol for how to say goodbye to your newly ex-boyfriend's brother, right after you kissed him and probably sent your ex into the arms of his willing ex-girlfriend, I didn't know what it was. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#humor #if-i-die #rachel-vincent #soul-screamers #true

Then stop being a know-it-all lionpaw retorted You're not my mentor so stay out of my fur. Lionpaw at Berrynose in Outcast pg 67 ↗

— Erin Hunter

#warriors-cats #humor