#ck

He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he did say was, 'I ain't got any tattoo on my back.' 'What you got on it?' the girl said. 'My shirt,' Parker said. 'Haw.' 'Haw, haw,' the girl said politely. ↗

— Flannery O'Connor

#parkers-back #funny

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I patted around under the covers for his hand. When I found it, I slid my own over it. His palm was turned up to meet my palm, and his fingers clasped mine. And though I would not have thought it possible to go to sleep holding hands with a vampire, that's exactly what I did. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#funny #sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #funny

Your welcome means more to me, Ivy Alisha Tamwood, than a thousand souls. Watching Rachel work is a wonder of one catastrophe after another. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#funny

To create art with all the passion in one's soul is to live art with all the beauty in one's heart. ↗

— Aberjhani

#artists #beauty #creativity #national-poetry-month #poem-in-your-pocket-day

And when demigods use cell phones, the signals agitate every monster within a hundred miles. It's like sending up a flare: Here I am! Please rearrange my face! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#rick-riordan #funny

He laughs. "Put some clothes on so you don't scare poor Kiara with your morning hard-on." I look down at my shorts. Sure enough, I've got la tengo dura in front of Kiara and Tuck. Shit. I reach out for the first thing I can grab and put it in front of me to shield myself from view. It happens to be one of Kiara's stuffed animals, but I don't have much choice right now. "That's Kiara's Mojo," Tuck says, laughing. "Get it? Mojo? ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#carlos-fuentes #funny #kiara #kiara-westford #perfect-chemistry

You are evidence of your mother's strength, especially if you are a rebellious knucklehead and regardless she has always maintained her sanity. ↗

— Criss Jami

#cute #difficulties #disobedience #evidence #funny

It's sick and twisted and violent. Other than that it is totally G rated. ↗

— Elizabeth Cruickshank

#funny #oxymoron #sick #twisted #vioolence

Step one: Invade your opponet's mind. This is just like using mind-speak. Try it on me." "That's easy," I said, casting my mental nets toward Dante, ensnaring his mind, and pushing words into his conscious thought. I'm in your mind, having a look around, and it's awfully empty in here. Wiseacre, Dante returned. Nobody says that anymore. Speaking of which, how old are you in Nephilim years? I'd never thought to ask. I swore fealty during Napoleon's invasion of Italy-my homeland. And that was in what year...? Help me out. I'm not a history buff. Dante smiled. 1796. Wow. You're old. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#dante-and-nora #dante-mazzaratti #finale #funny #hush-hush