#come

[The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when I’m carrying piping hot coffee. ↗

— Weston Locher

#comedy #essay #funny #humor #funny

Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he though we were headed to Iraq. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#funny #humor #humorous #funny

There was a group of fans who wanted autographs, and several women who managed to write their phone numbers on Wade's hand before he pulled free. Sam sent him an arched brow, but he just shrugged. He got numbers written on him a lot; he'd never figured out how to stop that from happening. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-comedy #funny

(About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny-and-random #humor #humorous #retort #satire

Get the point?" I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile. Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast. "What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn't that what you're supposed to do in situations like this? Too harsh? ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

From Chloe's Secret--coming soon “What are you saying?” “I’m saying I want to have a relationship with you. I want to love you.” “Is there a ‘but’ coming next?” “But the funny thing is, when I didn’t want to love you—it happened anyway.” He slipped his arms into my back pockets and hugged the breath out of me. I choked, my eyes stung. “I don’t know what to say.” He smiled. “Say whatever you want to. Just because I said it, you don’t have to.” He was right; I didn’t have to. He wasn’t asking anything of me. ↗

— Shelley K. Wall

#fiction #romance #romantic-comedy #funny

When he is most powerful, nothing does he become. ↗

— Dejan Stojanovic

#dejan-stojanovic #literature #literature-quotes #nothing #poetry

Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#observational-comedy #observations #storytelling #humor

I can't go on, I'll go on. ↗

— Samuel Beckett

#drama #existentialism #fiction #humor #nihilism