#d

Sonreí y ofrecí mi mejor cara de idiota. ↗

— Carlos Ruiz Zafón

#idiota #sonrisa #humor

I leveled the gun and fired until it was empty. ↗

— Rachel Brady

#murder #mystery #skydiving #sleuth #humor

Rhett: Here’s the problem. I am not the sexual equivalent of an espresso machine. ↗

— Rowena Cherry

#humor #sperm-donor #humor

Hey, lay off the dairy. And uh, no more happiness. ↗

— Brian Regan

#humor #humor

Gerti didn’t ask for help.” Miri swallowed and tried to calm her quavering voice. “It was my fault.” “So it was. Now you all have learned that those who speak out of turn choose punishment for themselves and anyone they speak to.” “So if I speak to you, Tutor Olana, will you get the lashes? ↗

— Shannon Hale

#fantasy #humor #romance #humor

Ochoa pulled the door and held it open for her. Nikki pivoted around the jamb, squaring her aim up the hall. She stopped, still holding her combat stance, shook her head, and mumbled, “Mother...” ...Rook was standing halfway up the hall with Paxton snugged behind him holding the gun to his head. He looked at Nikki sheepishly and said, “So, I’m gonna guess it’s Noah. ↗

— Richard Castle

#humor #humor

Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they’re not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they’re “little people,” I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#dog #humor #oberon #humor

You have a mother?" He quirked a brow. "Did you think mine was some sort of divine birth? My father was a remarkable man, but even he was not that talented. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #humor

Half the time your kids end up hating you for at least 5 of their teenage years[.] And don't ever expect anything so mundane as a thank you ↗

— Donna Ball

#motherhood #humor

Normal.... What the majority of people look, act, and talk and like. So what if the majority became what we see as wierd now? Would our normal, become our new wierd? ↗

— Catherine

#humor #normality #people #popularity #strangeness