#dark

I've committed to nothing...and that's just suicide...by tiny, tiny increments. ↗

— Nick Hornby

#dark-humor #fiction #personal-insight #rob-gordon #humor

I was very strict on that point. No devouring classmates." Jeremy rolled his eyes. "Other parents warn their kids not to talk to strangers. I had to warn mine not to eat them. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor

There'll be no more music, Father. But there'll be this!" He stepped into the dark, picked up the knife, and held it under their noses. "Go home. Tell your people what you saw and heard here tonight. And tell 'em that anyone we catch on these roads after dark anymore... this is what they'll get. Now that I know we're never to see the face o' God, we have nothing to lose. So, make sure you have your message right, Father, 'cause there'll be no other warning. ↗

— Eddie Lenihan

#faery #fairy #knife #music #warning

People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works. ↗

— Hannibal Buress

#laugh #humor

Jaz is their drummer. He’s pretty damn good too. Hell, he’s pretty damn good at everything he’s ever tried. Creative little shit. ↗

— Lissa Matthews

#humor

Even in your darkest moments, you'll think of something that'll crack you up. ↗

— Brad Paisley

#darkest #even #moments #something #think

You have the effrontery to be squeamish, it thought at him. But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape – the great face pressed even closer, so that Wonse was staring into the pitiless depths of his eyes – we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#dark-humor #dragons #morality #humor

Loop, you shot him in the head... Fuck yeah he dead. ↗

— Brian Azzarello

#humor #humor

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. ↗

— Mark Twain

#dark-humor #funny #humorous #killing #funny

We’re all under the streetlamps, everyone’s the color of day-old piss. When I’m fifty, this is how I’ll remember my friends: tired and yellow and drunk. ↗

— Junot Díaz

#humor