#day

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#always #been #canada #could #country

On Friday night, I was reading my new book, but my brain got tired, so I decided to watch some television instead. ↗

— Stephen Chbosky

#funny #reading #television #funny

Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #humor #number-one #urinal-cake

When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#time #yesterday #funny

To create art with all the passion in one's soul is to live art with all the beauty in one's heart. ↗

— Aberjhani

#artists #beauty #creativity #national-poetry-month #poem-in-your-pocket-day

He didn't want me to get hurt? Wow. Just wow. I might actually be close to a swoon here ↗

— Jessica Verday

#funny #jessica-verday #the-hollow #funny

Boy trouble, huh?" "Boy catastrophe is more like it. I'm not sure I can do this." "Do what?" Concern sounded in Holiday's voice. "Do Lucas," Kylie said. Holiday made a funny face and raised one eyebrow. ↗

— C.C. Hunter

#kylie-lyons #funny

My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#electrocution #funny #funny

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#internet #love #valentines-day #funny

One day. One damn day since I talked with Hayles. I've never been more happy for a Monday. ↗

— Becca Ann

#funny