#de

I killed my clone. It’s not murder, it’s partial suicide. I want a stiff drink, but not alcohol. I want formaldehyde. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #murder #humor

Always behave like a duck- keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but paddle like the devil underneath. ↗

— Jacob M. Braude

#composure #humor #humor

Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman any day of the year. But be sure to book early for Valentine’s Day.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flowers #funny #humor #love #naughty

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall take flack from both sides."- Unofficial UN Motto ↗

— Robert Lynn Asprin

#diplomacy #humor #motto #humor

I am so stupid, so easily fooled. It's really almost funny. If I could lift a finger I would gladly kill myself. ↗

— Will Christopher Baer

#stupidity #suicide #funny

On my first day of kindergarten: "You thought it was hard? If kindergarten is busting your ass, I got some bad news for you about the rest of life. ↗

— halpern

#kindergarten #humor

You're arguing in a circle," I said. "In a spiral," said Lamiel, "which is the best way to argue. ↗

— Harry Blamires

#humor

How about the wrong crowd," I said. "You getting in with them?" "Not much luck," Paul said. "I'm trying like hell, but the wrong crowd doesn't seem to want me." "Don't quit," I said. "You want something, you go after it. I was nearly thirty-five before I could get in with wrong crowd. ↗

— Robert B. Parker

#humor #spenser #humor

We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters. ↗

— Sandra Chami Kassis

#humor #ideas #mind-power #revolution #sarcasm

I don't see why you two can't get along." "It is a personality issue," Rathenridge muttered. Dentin looked at him. No emotion, no reaction, simply bland observation. "Yours? ↗

— Rachel Rossano

#duty #humor #personality-types #rachel-rossano #rathenridge