#dick

You don't know how you haunt and bewilder me. You don't know how the cursed carelessness that is over-officious in helping me at every other turning of my life WON'T help me here. You have struck it dead, I think, and I sometimes wish you had struck me dead along with it. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#eugene-wrayburn #our-mutual-friend #life

Love, though said to be afflicted with blindness, is a vigilant watchman. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#love #our-mutual-friend #love

I have so much love that it could stretch around the world’s largest dick. But so what? Bernanke’s belt does that every day.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ben-bernanke #crony-capitalism #dick #federal-reserve #fiat-currency

I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's nothing wrong with suckin' dicks. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! That's my advice. I'm here to help. ↗

— George Carlin

#fellatio #humor #oral-sex #humor

Where would David Copperfield be if Dickens had gone to writing classes? Probably about seventy minor characters short, is where. (Did you know that Dickens is estimated to have invented thirteen thousand characters? Thirteen thousand! The population of a small town!) ↗

— Nick Hornby

#humor #writing #humor

Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#great-expectations #love #love

I was just turned last week. I'm a librarian." He stilled, as if I'd just told him I was the inventor of the tube top. "I watched a movie about a librarian once. Well, she was a librarian by day, a call girl by--" I stopped him with a quick lift of an eyebrow. "If you finish that sentence, we cannot be friends. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #librarians #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

Would you kick her ass already?" Dick said, shoving me back toward Missy. "Come on, Stretch, man up. You do better than this! Get mad." I nodded, rolling a dislocated shoulder back into place with a grunt and staggering back toward my opponent. Behind me, Zeb yelled, "She tried to hurt Fitz!" He turned to Gabriel and Dick. "That'll get her mad." Gabriel rolled his eyes. "She's been framed for murder twice over, shot in the back, her arms were set on fire, and her parents are being held hostage. You think tampered dog water is what's going to make her angry?" "You tried to hurt my dog!" I wheezed as I lurched toward a grinning Missy. ↗

— Molly Harper

#dog #fitz #funny #gabriel #jane-jameson

Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let's just say if I'm ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers, I'm covered. ↗

— Molly Harper

#dirty #funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

If looks could kill...well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing. "See Dick," Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. "Jane. Dick and Jane. Come on, you humorless jackass. That's funny. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #gabriel #humor #jane-jameson #molly-harper