#eat

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey. ↗

— Mark Twain

#evolution #humor #mankind #humor

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#children #clothes #clothing #definition #humor

George had taken off all ten of his fingers and tied them into a bundle with what appeared to be either his own small intestines, or a guitar string; as I walked into the room, he lovingly placed the bundle on his head. ↗

— Alan Goldsher

#george-harrison #humor #humor

New rules. If you are smart enough to live, you won’t hit Charles’s mate in front of his father. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#anna-cornick #bran-cornick #charles-cornick #cry-wolf #defense