#go

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant'. ↗

— Dean Martin

#goodbye #got #hear #hello #house

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day. ↗

— Dean Martin

#day #feel #getting #going #good

I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#busy #characters #could #create #died

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#employee #example #good #good example #how

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#buy #everything #good #i #i am

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#either #government #history #i #improv

I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#dude #ever #fine #gonna #i

It's very easy to go through your whole life and never really get anything done or have any real meaningful interactions or relationships. All of a sudden you're dead, and I'm going to say that's got to be a letdown. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#anything #dead #done #easy #get

And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#as far as #far #favorite #go #peter

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, 'Oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#before #church #come #dropped #everybody