#h

You're a very odd man," said Bert. "I get that more often than you'd think," replied Charles. ↗

— James A. Owen

#sanity #humor

Hold on to your friends. Resist - or move on Be mad, be rash Smoke and explode Sell all of your clothes Just bear in mind: There just might come a time When you need some friends ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Bell seated himself behind the desk, motioning for Nancy to stand opposite him. There was tense silence for a moment. Then Bell reached for a desk telephone. "I am going to call the police, Miss Drew, and turn you over to them on a charge of trespassing, breaking, and entering with an attempt to steal." "I wish you would," Nancy replied. "if it is possible over that dummy telephone. ↗

— Carolyn Keene

#humor

The scientific method is nothing more than a system of rules to keep us from lying to each other. ↗

— Ken Norris

#fluke #humor #science #humor

Here's your first problem," he said, pointing at a sentence. "'Religion is the opium of the people.' Well, I don't know about people, but I think you'll find that the opium of pirates is actual opium. ↗

— Gideon Defoe

#humor #karl-marx #opium #pirates #humor

She suggested we 'crouch' buck nekkid on the bed or a dresser and leap out at him from the shadows. Now, my husband can't see all that well in the dark. I think if he comes into a darkened bedroom and finds 140 pounds of cellulite hurtling through space at him, he's going to run like the devil. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#marriage #sex #humor

Sometimes a majority simply means that all the fools are on the same side. ↗

— Claude C. McDonald

#humor

WHERE did you say it was?' asked Pooh. Just here,' said Eeyore. Made of sticks?' Yes' Oh!' said Piglet. What?' said Eeyore. I just said "Oh!"' said Piglet nervously. And so as to seem quite at ease he hummed Tiddely-pom once or twice in a what-shall-we-do-now kind of way. ↗

— A.A. Milne

#humor

He loved her all he could; but he couldn't love her very much. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#romance #humor

When did swearing become so easy? You still would never swear in front of your parents or most adults, but when you're with your friends it's like every fifth word. Why couldn't learning Spanish be that easy? ↗

— Charles Benoit

#truth #humor