#he

When I blow my trumpet to signal the glorious new morning, my cheeks bulge like two scoops of vanilla. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #ice-cream #trumpets #funny

We grow up opposing our parents only to become like them enough to oppose our children who behave as we once did—a reminder of how dreadful we were toward those now vindicated grandparents. And you thought God had no sense of humor. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#god #karma #learning #parenthood #parents

So, what are you doing with my little sister today?” Daniel asked. I closed my eyes in defeat. “I’m afraid I can’t ruin the surprise,” Noah said. “But I promise I’ll return her intact.” He did not just say that. Daniel cackled ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#embarrassment #humor #humor

A hero without faults is like an omelet without little bits of eggshell in it. ↗

— Colin Cotterill

#heroes #humor #personality #real-life #humor

Sophie was a walking truth serum. If she was touching bare skin, she could yank the truth out of you like a loose tooth. I’d spent several unpleasant hours in her company during the Council’s screening process for humans who planned to work with vampires. That’s when I learned that you don’t refer to Buffy, the Winchesters, or even the Frog Brothers from The Lost Boys in front of Council officials. They do not have a sense of humor about that sort of entertainment. ↗

— Molly Harper

#supernatural #the-lost-boys #humor

S...For Stupendous! T...For Tiger, ferocity of! U...For Underwear, Red! P...For Power, Incredible! E...For excellent physique! N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that... D...For Determination! U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"?? ↗

— Bill Watterson

#super-heroes #humor

hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#heroes-of-olympus #humor #percabeth #percy-jackson #rick-riordan

There was something in his gaze that told her he liked how she looked in his clothes. It had to be a bloke thing, because she certainly wouldn't want to see him wearing hers. ↗

— Kady Cross

#kady-cross #the-girl-in-the-clockwork-collar #humor

Her soul is clear of any red seals, but that won't last long, ' cause Papa's come to play. ↗

— Victoria Scott

#humor #the-collector #humor

You can’t has,' he whispered softly, 'not yours. ↗

— Wil Wheaton

#fantasy #geekery #humor #humor