#hum

I was in no mood to negotiate with the Tampon Terrorist. ↗

— Helene Boudreau

#humor

Aren't the Amish against violence? Yes, but you see, I'm not very good at being Amish...so remember what I say. ↗

— Kelly Long

#humor #humor

The Book: Curiously the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

Nemo suggested that it might be some monster giant but his papa called him a "rattlebrain" and ordered him to pacify his mama who was making elaborate plans to faint. ↗

— Winsor McCay

#humor #stilted #humor

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. The happiness of a married man depends on the people he has not married. One should always be in love - that's the reason one should never marry. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #love #marriage #humor

But this is something new!' said Mrs. Munt, who collected new ideas as a squirrel collects nuts, and was especially attracted by those that are portable. ↗

— E.M. Forster

#humor

I love seeing other channels counterprogram the Super Bowl. PBS: "DAMN RIGHT we're airing a new 'Masterpiece Classic'! Fuck off, sports! ↗

— Tara Ariano

#humor #pbs #twitter #humor

Painted on shirts went over so well I thought, why not painted on pants? Well, the big shot manager at Krusty Burger didn't agree! ↗

— Matt Groening

#humor

may yes can you carry me asked pumpkin No ↗

— Jodi Lynn Anderson

#humor

I had taken the photograph from afar (distance being the basic glitch in our relationship), using my Nikon and zoom lens while hiding behind a fake marble pillar. I was hiding because if he knew I'd been secretly photographing him for all these months he would think I was immature, neurotic and obsessive. I'm not. I'm an artist. Artists are always misunderstood.(Thwonk) ↗

— Joan Bauer

#humor #infatuation #insecurity #shyness #stalking