#hum

Michael: Barzini will set me up through somebody close... that, supposedly, I won't suspect. Hagen: Somebody like me. Michael: You're Irish, they won't trust you. Hagen: I'm German-American. Michael: To them that's Irish. ↗

— Mario Puzo

#michael-corleone #the-godfather #tom-hagen #humor

Beyond a certain point, that was all a mother could do for her children - Hang around long enough to drive them crazy. ↗

— J.A. Jance

#humor

My best definition of a nerd: someone who asks you to explain an aphorism ↗

— Nassim Nicholas Taleb

#nerd #nerdiness #nerds #sense-of-humor #wisdom

There's never a good time to tell someone that you don't really exist. ↗

— Philip Ardagh

#humor

It’s a truism in policing that witnesses and statements are fine, but nothing beats empirical physical evidence. Actually it isn’t a truism because most policemen think the word ‘empirical’ is something to do with Darth Vader, but it damn well should be. ↗

— Ben Aaronovitch

#police #humor

So...I'm larking through the Baby Gap, looking at tiny capri pants and sweaters that cost more than ... I don't know,more than they should. And I get totally sucked in by this ridiculous, tiny fur coat. The kind of coat a baby might need to go to the ballet. In Moscow. In 1918. To match her tiny pearls. ↗

— Rainbow Rowell

#humor

Perhaps you had better watch your back, stupid glowy golden faerie man whore" He frowned at me. "That made no sense" "Good! Now maybe I can join your club ↗

— Kiersten White

#evie #faeries #humor #light-and-dark #reth

[Francesca] 'You really are a few biscuits short of breakfast.' His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 'You're a few colors shy of a rainbow?' she offered. 'Not pulling a full wagon? Knitting with only one needle? All foam and no beer? Your cheese slid off the cracker? You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel?' [Nicodemus] 'All right. I get it. ↗

— Blake Charlton

#insults #metaphor #stupidity #humor

A minute later he (Brady) collapsed next to me. "What do you say to the person who gave you the best orgasm of your life?" "Thank you, Keanu (Reeves)? ↗

— Michele Bardsley

#humor

Whether a man is a criminal or a public servant is purely a matter of perspective. ↗

— Tom Robbins

#ethics #humor #relativism #humor