#hum

Your great puddin' of a son don' need fattin' anymore Dursley, don't worry ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

It's not the books by Stephen King that I read, I need protection from the things in my head . . . ↗

— Jimmy Buffett

#humor #humor

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night ↗

— W.C. Fields

#humor

I'm a virgin, Ariel," I whispered conspiratorially. "Sealed up like a Swiss bank account. ↗

— Shelly Crane

#humor #virgin #humor

Self editing is the path to the dark side. Self editing leads to self delusion, self delusion leads to missed mistakes, missed mistakes lead to bad reviews. Bad reviews are the tools of the dark side. ↗

— Eric T. Benoit

#humor #reviews #yoda #humor

Can I view thee panting, lying On thy stomach, without sighing; Can I unmoved see thee dying On a log Expiring frog! ↗

— Charles Dickens

#humor

Do not stand downwind from a sweaty person... ↗

— Ivana Hruba

#humor

Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#humor

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark. ↗

— Steve Wright

#reading #humor

You must have a bladder like Lake Erie. I think empires rose and fell in the time it took you to pee. I could hear it the whole time." Thank you. Do you want something? ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor