#hum

We startled some strange, long-necked shaggy creatures that had been grazing in the field, and I swear one of them spit at Feniul. Hagen slipped off of Leontes'neck and started to follow the creatures into the little copse of trees they had taken shelter in, fascinated, but I called him back. "They spit."I said. "They probably bite as well." "They are ill tempered things,"Amacarin agreed."But I saw someone riding one yesterday. It did not look like a smooth-gaited beast, though." Now there was even more longing in Hagen's face." Luka started laughing. "I shall buy you one when you finish your apprenticeship." He told my brother. "It can be your mastery gift. A hairy, spitting cow horse. ↗

— Jessica Day George

#humor

Bubotubers,” Professor Sprout told them briskly. “They need squeezing. You will collect the pus —” “The what?” said Seamus Finnigan, sounding revolted. “Pus, Finnigan, pus,” said Professor Sprout. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

There's a boy who they call Pony! He's always acting gross and horny! He thinks he's got a lot down there, but he sure wears tiny underwear! ↗

— Cecily von Ziegesar

#humor

Hello?' 'Mum?' 'Yes! Who's that?.' 'Your only son.' A pause. 'Daniel?' To be fair, I'd only given her one clue. ↗

— Danny Wallace

#humor

did you ever see anybody so disgusting: said lightning to thunder, "never" thunder growled thunder, "lets give him the works ↗

— William Steig

#humor

We have to be back in three hours," Ronan said. "I just fed Chainsaw but she'll need it again." "This," Gansey replied "is precisely why I didn't want to have a baby with you. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#humor

Roar's smile widened. "I know. You missed me." She rolled her eyes. "It's barely been three weeks since I last saw you." "Miserable stretch of time." He said. ↗

— Veronica Rossi

#roar #humor

But I don't care what Megan Fox or Jessica Biel say: There are definite advantages to being the hottest girl on the planet. Number one was that I got paid for it. A lot. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#popularity #sex-appeal #humor

Just because you’re allowed to use magic now you don’t have to whip your wands out for every tiny little thing! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

ISABEL: Sorry I missed my session Monday. DR. RUSH: Would you like to tell me why? ISABEL: I was depressed. DR. RUSH: That's a good reason to come to therapy. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor