#hum

Evelyn: There's nothing wrong with embracing one's emotions. Brittany: Mom, You don't just embrace your emotions, you make love to them hard-core. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#gena-showalter #humor #humor

Let me say right here, if I haven't made it clear, that I have seen as many pale, naked old-man parts in the last twenty-four hours to bruise my delicate psyche for a lifetime, so don't be surprised if you someday find me wandering the moors at midnight, a crazed look in my eye, babbling about albino Tater Tots nesting in Brillo pads and being pursued by sagging man ass, because that shit can happen when you've been traumatized. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

Becky Renee Apple - can you believe her mom named her that and then had all of her sweaters monogramed with 'BRA'? ↗

— P.C. Cast

#humor

I'm not stupid, stupid. Leave this whole thing in my extremely capable and well-manicured hands. I'll call you later with an update. Bye! ↗

— P.C. Cast

#humor

A boy who once wiped his ass with poison ivy probably doesn't belong in a smart people's club. ↗

— Stephen King

#humor

I've won Satan's lottery. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#vampires #humor

It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion". ↗

— Jordan Sonnenblick

#euphemism #humor #parents #humor

I will sit here but an hour or two, then leave." I yawn. "So very long as that?" When he answers, there is a wry note in his voice. "I do have my reputation to protect. ↗

— R.L. LaFevers

#humor

I don't mind foreigners. God save the queen!" he squeaked and ran. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor #jeaniene #timmie #humor

Get up, you useless lump, get up! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #j-k-rowling #humor