#hum

I never know," Harry called to Hagrid over the noise of the cart, "what's the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite?" "Stalagmite's got an 'm' in it," said Hagrid. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

The next time somebody announces that he plans to get Medieval on your ass, tell him you're going to get Renaissance on his gonads. ↗

— James K. Morrow

#humor #medieval #renaissance #humor

Dilemma? Let him have his way with something simple, or keep getting my way and him torture me later? Hmmm. I guess I'm more of a masochist than I thought. ↗

— J.A. Redmerski

#humor

I'll be fine. Maybe I should make up a magic milk bath with the Golden Fruit, huh?" I laughed. Kishan considered and grinned. "A giant bowlful of milk with you in the middle might be a little too much for us cats to resist. ↗

— Colleen Houck

#kishan #milk #humor

I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls playing '80s cover tunes on ukuleles. Technically, this wasn't part of my research, but I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukuleles fetish that I can neither explain nor defend. ↗

— Ernest Cline

#humor #lust #humor

I used to be so good at that kind of thing," Skulduggery said quietly. "Well, my morale is certainly boosted," Valkyrie informed him. "Really?" "god no. That was terrible ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor

I strive for perfection - I settle for satisfaction ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#personal #philosophy #humor

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, "Jesus! This cup is expensive! ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#humor

Mmmm, Kate, the Chief of Security. Sexy. Who better to guard my body then the woman who owns it?" "Curran, I will punch you. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor

When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day. ↗