#i

As much as I think about sex, I can only with extreme difficulty conceive of myself actually performing the act. And here's another thing I wonder about. How could you ever look a girl in the eye after you've had your winkie up her wendell? I mean, doesn't that render normal social conversation impossible? Apparently not. ↗

— C.D. Payne

#satire #sex #teens #teens-sex-awkward-jocks #humor

I really am happy for Kiley. And for you and every other happily married lady. Except for that I'm not happy for you. I kind of want you all to drop dead. ↗

— Rainbow Rowell

#jealousy #marriage #truth #humor

Setiap pencarian dimulai dengan keberuntungan bagi sang pemula. Dan setiap pencarian diakhiri dengan ujian berat bagi si pemenang. ↗

— Paulo Coelho

#inspirational #inspirational

It's not fair the emphasis put on beauty, or on sexuality. ↗

— Rosanna Arquette

#emphasis #fair #not fair #put #sexuality

Ren frowned as he surveyed the madness they were knee-deep in. “Why are you under such heavy fire?” Nick gave him a droll stare. “Oh, I don’t know. But we’re really enjoying it. Fear has such a wonderfully romantic scent to it that they ought to turn it into cologne and deodorant. Eau de Ew. Let’s all just take a minute, and bask in it. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#nick-gautier #ren-waya #time-untime #humor

And Mom doesn't like anyone cutting her flowers, so I cut up her magazines instead. Do you like it? ↗

— Ryan Loveless

#humor

My graduate study was interrupted, like that of many others, by World War II. ↗

— Kenneth Joseph Arrow

#ii #interrupted #like #many #others

In the National Geographic movie of my twisted mind, the lion had just leaped on the gazelle, pinned it to the ground and mounted it from behind. Apparently, the devouring could wait. I should point out that these little flights of fancy on my part often involved extremely improbable animal pairings. I blamed cartoons. ↗

— Delphine Dryden

#national-geographic #humor

My feeling toward Republicans is like my feeling about sharks: of course they're stupid and vicious. It's in their nature to be mindless, ravening killing machines. It's nothing personal. They don't know any better. Pretty much the only thing you can do about them is stay out of their waters and, if you're unlucky enough to meet with one, shoot it through its rudimentary brain with a spear gun. ↗

— Tim Kreider

#politics #republicans #sharks #humor

It was this feminine conspiracy which made Southern society so pleasant. Women knew that a land where men were contented, uncontradicted ans safe in possession of unpunctured vanity was likely to be a very pleasant place for women to live. So, from the cradle to the grave, women strove to make men pleased with themselves, and the satisfied men repaid lavishly with gallantry and adoration. In fact, men willingly gave ladies everything in the world except credit for having intelligence. ↗

— Margaret Mitchell

#male-female-relationships #southern-women #humor