#jam

I always hoped for this spark of chemistry and compatibility, a flash of clarity to let me know that this was the guy, this was the time, so I should leg go and enjoy myself. But it never came. And by no small coincidence, neither did I. ↗

— Molly Harper

#coming #funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

Jane Jameson." He grinned. "Like the porn star." I gaped at him. "What? No, Jane Jameson." "Oh, not as fun," he said, making disappointed clucking noises. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #porn-star

I wanted to call you, but I find myself feeling...awkward when it comes to you." "'Awkward' is the word du jour," I agreed. "So, I make you nervous?" "Not quite nervous," he said. "Just unsettled." I wriggled my eyebrows and inched a little closer to him. "Unsettled, that's even better. ↗

— Molly Harper

#gabriel #jane-jameson #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #unsettled #funny

What was that?" Rich combined the pain of a crooked arm with the indignity of a flicked ear. I could only hope the situation didn't escalate to the dreaded purple nurple. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #purple-nurple

Some vampires wouldn't react if you shoved a rosary down their pants, though I wouldn't recommend testing the theory. ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #vampire #funny

I offered you a choice, and you took it." I shot him what I hoped was a truly scathing glare. "Some choice. I was dying. Some drunk shot me from a pickup. Why wouldn't I have just woken up with gonorrhea like every other girl of loose moral fiber? ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #gabriel #gonorrhea #jane-jameson #molly-harper

I grabbed my purse, which was conveniently place by the front door. Gabriel was such a considerate abductor/host. He even left the front door unpadlocked. ↗

— Molly Harper

#gabriel #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #funny

Don't worry about being nervous. A lot of vampires have trouble with this from time to time. It happens to everyone." "If I was a forty-year-old man suffering from erectile dysfunction, that would be a great comfort to me, thanks. ↗

— Molly Harper

#erectile-dysfunction #funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

He's the meanest one. We call him..Byrd the Turd ↗

— Marthe Jocelyn

#funny #james #marthe-jocelyn #funny

Amy, Dan, and Nellie were sitting at a table in a conference room, examining reproductions of Franklin documents-some so rare, the librarians told her, the only copies existed in Paris. "Yeah, here's a rare grocery list," Dan muttered. "Wow. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#cahill #humor #rare #sarcasm #humor