#jo

And you'd think that killing people would make them like you, but it doesn't. It just- it just makes them dead. ↗

— Joe Walker (as Voldemort in AVPM)

#joe-walker #supermegafoxyawesomehot #totally-awesome #voldemort #wise-words

Companionship is a foreign concept to some people. They fear it as much as the majority of people fear loneliness. ↗

— Criss Jami

#companion #companionship #different #extroversion #fear

Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#awkward #funny #maureen-johnson #shades-of-london #funny

And if that is the Foremast, what do you think that sail might be called, Mr. Wheeler?" "The Foresail?" "Very good, Mr. Wheeler, and the next one up would be called..." ..."The Next Sail, Sir?" "Alas, no, Mr. Wheeler. ↗

— L.A. Meyer

#sails #under-the-jolly-roger #funny

Some people use laughter as a weapon. It's all very funny until someone loses an eye. But then I guess it just makes the joke even funnier, because you never see it coming. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#laughter #weapon #funny

Dylan, while he is in the shower and he and Joss are only seperated by the curtain and his invisibility: Dylan: "Maybe if you would come in here and scrub my back it would speed things up." Joss: "I'm not invisible." Dylan: "I know this. ↗

— Susan Bischoff

#funny #joss #funny

He whipped the chair around and actually split one of the things in half with the impact, spilling the spray of blood that was reflective, like mercury. John bellowed, "Anyone else want to donate blood to chair-ity?" He ducked into the the door and bashed one monster right in the wig, screaming, "There's some dessert! With a chair-y on top! ↗

— David Wong

#funny #john #funny

Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#asia #countries #europe #funny #joke

Remove yourself, sir! ↗

— David McCullough

#david-mccullough #funny #history #john-adams #funny

It’s complicated,” I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender. “Talk slowly,” Jenna retorted derisively. “Okay, I deserved that,” I admitted. ↗

— Laura Kreitzer

#fantasy #fiction #funny #humor #jenna-moretti