#eight

You want to know the story? I'd be happy to tell you. I think I have just enough caloric energy stored up to make it through the telling of the tale. It's short. I am monstrously fat. I am a glutton. My wife was disgusted and repulsed. She gave me six months to lose one hundred pounds. I joined Weight Watchers . . . see it there, right across the street, that gaunt storefront? This afternoon was the big six-month weigh-in. So to speak. I had gained almost seventy pounds in the six months. An errant Snickers bar fell out of the cuff of my pants and rolled against my wife's foot as I stepped on the scale. The scale over there across the street is truly an ingenious device. One preprograms the desired new weight into it, and if one has achieved or gone below that new low weight, the scale bursts into recorded whistles and cheers and some lively marching-band tune. Apparently, tiny flags protrude from the top and wave mechanically back and forth. A failure--see for instance mine--results in a flatulent dirge of disappointed and contemptuous tuba. To the strains of the latter my wife left, the establishment, me, on the arm of a svelte yogurt distributor whom I am even now planning to crush, financially speaking, first thing tomorrow morning. Ms. Beadsman, you will find an eclair on the floor to the left of your chair. Could you perhaps manipulate it onto this plate with minimal chocolate loss and pass it to me. ↗

— David Foster Wallace

#humor #weight-loss #humor

The intense horror of nightmare came over me: I tried to draw back my arm, but the hand clung to it, and a most melancholy voice sobbed, 'Let me in - let me in!' 'Who are you?' I asked, struggling, meanwhile, to disengage myself. 'Catherine Linton,' it replied, shiveringly (why did I think of LINTON? I had read EARNSHAW twenty times for Linton) - 'I'm come home: I'd lost my way on the moor!' As it spoke, I discerned, obscurely, a child's face looking through the window. ↗

— Emily Brontë

#wuthering-heights #melancholy

She'd lost two more pounds. A picture of the models she'd cut out of the magazine flashed through Kessa's mind. And the winner is... seventy-three! ↗

— Steven Levenkron

#eating-disorder #models #weight #eating-disorders

People are starting to go on about my weight but I'm not going to change my size because they don't like the way I look. ↗

— Adele

#because #change #go #going #i

I think they say that when you're breast feeding, you know, your weight kind of slims down. It's a little easier. It's like a workout within itself. It's very tiring actually and you find yourself snacking more often. ↗

— Christina Aguilera

#down #easier #feeding #find #i

I'm about as healthy as a person can be. I quit smoking seven or eight years ago. ↗

— Karen Allen

#ago #eight #healthy #i #i quit

I failed to make the chess team because of my height. ↗

— Woody Allen

#because #chess #failed #height #i

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. ↗

— Jackie Mason

#cheat #eighty #europe #married #married men

Actors worry about bad breath, weight, receding hairlines and why their leading lady looks like their daughter. ↗

— Matthew Ashford

#bad #bad breath #breath #daughter #lady

I just got Kill Bill: Vol. 2. I've watched it like eight times in the past two months. I just love the scene at the end between David Carradine and Uma Thurman. ↗

— Shawn Ashmore

#bill #david #eight #end #got