#jokes

I was so happy to be out of there. “Barabas, if you weren’t batting for the other team, I’d marry you.” He grinned. “If I weren’t batting for the other team, I would accept your proposal. You had me at ‘No comment.’ If all my clients were this smart, my life would be much easier. Much, much easier. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#gratitude #lawyer-jokes #humor

Oberon "one day Atticus was amazed to discover that when Jupiter said "As you wish," what he really meant was "I love you. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#princess-bride-jokes #love

Breyona didn’t have to force a laugh. “Fellowship? Who do you think you are? Freedo the hobbit?” “It’s Frodo,” he said over his shoulder. “And if I was a character from L.O.T.R., I’d obviously by Strider.” Shaking his head, he continued down the trail, mumbling obscenities. “What is L.O.T.R.?” Shiv asked. “Who is this Freedo?” Both questions brought exasperated sighs from Bronson. “It stands for Lord of the Rings. Don’t you ever see any movies?” “Weren’t they books before they were movies?” Em asked. “They wrote them after,” Bronson said. Breyona winked at Danny. “That Freedo was hot,” she said loud enough for Bronson to hear. “Even with those dumb-ass furry feet, he’s my kind of cute.” Bronson threw his hands up. “Frodo. It’s Frodo. And he’s not hot! ↗

— Eric Edstrom

#lotr #teens #movies

What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water! ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humour #jokes #humour

I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes. ↗

— Dave Attell

#i #joke #jokes #like #other

I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes.aI'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me. ↗

— Jensen Ackles

#around #boy #debonair #hot #i

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. ↗

— Fred Allen

#been #comedian #comedy #compelled #compete

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere. ↗

— Mose Allison

#humorous #joke #jokes #mine #most

I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out. ↗

— David Antin

#common #damn #dog #doing #even

All of my jokes were about not being able to meet anybody. I didn't have any insight into anything - even my own insecurities. ↗

— Judd Apatow

#about #any #anybody #anything #being