#jokes

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world. ↗

— Arthur Smith

#cent #deserve #funny #funny stuff #jokes

My driver Kellie Frost and I would race these fellows home and they were always faster on the highway. We did the same with Daniel and his driver, and thus began a long series of jokes and competitions to alleviate the impossible hours and tensions this film provoked. ↗

— Madeleine Stowe

#always #began #competitions #daniel #did

The right honorable gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests, and to his imagination for his facts. ↗

— Richard Brinsley Sheridan

#imagination #jests #jokes #memory #imagination

What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-- and a child's more imporant than a joke, I hope. You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#funny #jokes #meaning #trying #funny

Don't be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail. ↗

— Mora Early

#jail #jokes #sarcasm #food

Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. ↗

— Gillian Flynn

#burping #cheap-beer #cool-girls #dirty-jokes #gang-bang

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me. ↗

— Robert Frost

#forgive #great #i #joke #jokes

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes. ↗

— Dave Attell

#comics #i #joke #jokes #like

Most jokes state a bitter truth. ↗

— Larry Gelbart

#bitter truth #jokes #most #state #truth

My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog. ↗

— Cathy Guisewite

#buddy #dog #every #her #i