#jokes

The whole experience of doing a sitcom is... Telling jokes with such precision is really exciting, but it's also terrifying. ↗

— Lea Thompson

#doing #exciting #experience #jokes #precision

Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking. ↗

— Amy Sedaris

#jokes #relationships #romance #dating

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling. ↗

— Friedrich Nietzsche

#humour #jokes #death

I've included these little jokes and mysteries in my writing for the amusement of readers. ↗

— Armistead Maupin

#i #included #jokes #little #mysteries

I frowned as my fingers throbbed. “Wait a sec. There’s a chance I can’t work with fire and you let me do that?”“How else am I going to figure out your limitations?” “What the hell!” I pulled my hand free, furious. “That’s not cool, Blake. What’s next? Trying to stop a moving vehicle by standing in front of it, but whoops, I can’t do that and now I’m dead? ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#death-jokes #funny #ssupernatural #training #ya

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks!” -Totie Fields- ↗

— David DeBacco

#diet #jokes #diet

I have been so very, very fortunate in my life. I've met or been in contact with several of my childhood heroes. I've interacted with people all over this planet, and even though I couldn't possibly hope to remember all their names, I remember a photograph, a poem, a sound, a joke, kind words of encouragement. All is not lost. ↗

— Wayne Gerard Trotman

#encouragement #friendship #good-fortune #heroes #interaction

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humour #jokes #funny

He whipped the chair around and actually split one of the things in half with the impact, spilling the spray of blood that was reflective, like mercury. John bellowed, "Anyone else want to donate blood to chair-ity?" He ducked into the the door and bashed one monster right in the wig, screaming, "There's some dessert! With a chair-y on top! ↗

— David Wong

#funny #john #funny

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #jokes #funny