#jokes

Our country is the best country in the world. We are swimming in prosperity and our President is the best president in the world. We have larger apples and better cotton and faster and more beautiful machines. This makes us the greatest country in the world. Unemployment is a myth. Dissatisfaction is a fable. In preparatory school America is beautiful. It is the gem of the ocean and it is too bad. It is bad because people believe it all. Because they become indifferent. Because they marry and reproduce and vote and they know nothing. ↗

— John Cheever

#delusions #dissatisfaction #fables #indifference #jokes

I was so happy to be out of there. “Barabas, if you weren’t batting for the other team, I’d marry you.” He grinned. “If I weren’t batting for the other team, I would accept your proposal. You had me at ‘No comment.’ If all my clients were this smart, my life would be much easier. Much, much easier. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#gratitude #lawyer-jokes #humor

What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water! ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humour #jokes #humour

I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes.aI'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me. ↗

— Jensen Ackles

#around #boy #debonair #hot #i

A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes. ↗

— Zac Efron

#blush #girl #her #i #jokes

Everybody that's living in this earth is living in a situation. It's not narrow-minded to the point where everybody is serious and nobody has a personality. I think people die telling jokes. ↗

— Mike Epps

#earth #everybody #i #i think #jokes

They have what you call a black night where they have black people come in for just one night only to watch comedy, and you get all your local drug dealers, thugs, prostitutes, all of them come in, sit down, and listen to you tell jokes. They the hardest people to make laugh. ↗

— Mike Epps

#call #come #comedy #dealers #down

Well, there are conjoined twins in real life and we can tell a story about them so long as they're not the brunt of the jokes. In this, they're the heroes of this story; we love these guys. ↗

— Bobby Farrelly

#brunt #guys #heroes #jokes #life

One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me... to actually take the orbiter first and fly it for maybe 10 or 15 seconds and then hand it on over to Scooter. ↗

— Duane G. Carey

#day #entry #first #flight #fly

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#every #get #i #jokes #lot