#jokes

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world. ↗

— Arthur Smith

#cent #deserve #funny #funny stuff #jokes

My driver Kellie Frost and I would race these fellows home and they were always faster on the highway. We did the same with Daniel and his driver, and thus began a long series of jokes and competitions to alleviate the impossible hours and tensions this film provoked. ↗

— Madeleine Stowe

#always #began #competitions #daniel #did

Man, after all my grandma put into me learning the piano, that was a hard day, telling her I was telling jokes for a living. ↗

— Jamie Foxx

#day #grandma #hard #hard day #her

I like smart jokes, I like dumb jokes, and I like dumb jokes done smartly. ↗

— Mike Myers

#dumb #i #jokes #like #smart

It was a family joke that Lydia's domestic tendencies were somehow misplaced when she was created. ↗

— Lawana Blackwell

#family #home #humor #jokes #family

Joke exchanges are carried on in deadly earnest, like a verbal duel-mouth-to-mouth combat. Bang, bang: you’re (linguistically) dead. ↗

— David Crystal

#jokes #language-play #humor

I was once honest with myself, on April Fool's day. I thought it would be the best practical joke ever, but I realized I'd already been the butt of an even bigger one. My birth. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #honesty #humor #practical-jokes #funny

Life would be perfect if monster would stop farting. ↗

— David Chuka

#humor #jokes #monsters #life

Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. ↗

— Gillian Flynn

#burping #cheap-beer #cool-girls #dirty-jokes #gang-bang

Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. ↗

— George Eliot

#different #great #great strain #jokes #strain