#joke

There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical joke. ↗

— Herman Melville

#call #certain #his #joke #life

When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. ↗

— Paul Merton

#being #being funny #creating #funny #i

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars. ↗

— George Mikes

#better #even #jokes #least #longest

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. ↗

— Spike Milligan

#i #joke #laughing #many #me

Everyone recognizes that's a joke because obviously the number and shape of the pieces doesn't affect the size of the pizza. And similarly, the stocks, bonds, warrants, etc., issued don't affect the aggregate value of the firm. ↗

— Merton Miller

#aggregate #because #bonds #etc #everyone

The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #joke #vindictive #funny

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work. ↗

— Colin Mochrie

#joker #line #practical #traveling #work

I think of myself as a writer with a sense of humour rather than a comedy writer. Happy to tell a story with lots of jokes in it - I wouldn't know how to do jokes without the story. ↗

— Steven Moffat

#happy #how #humour #i #i think

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#elastic #jokes #making #realism #surreal

It's a joke to think that anyone is one thing. We're all such complex creatures. But if I'm going to be a poster child for anything, anger's a gorgeous emotion. It gets a bad rap, but it can make great changes happen. ↗

— Alanis Morissette

#anyone #anything #bad #bad rap #changes