#joke

Life would be perfect if monster would stop farting. ↗

— David Chuka

#humor #jokes #monsters #life

Oh you rebel you! ↗

— Mallory hopkins

#funny #hailey-larsen #inside-joke #love #rebel

Don't be ridiculous. Brussels sprouts are awful. Jail is just jail. ↗

— Mora Early

#jail #jokes #sarcasm #food

My old man taught me to never trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn't die. ↗

— Tommy Tran

#humor #joke #laugh #love #relationships

Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. ↗

— Gillian Flynn

#burping #cheap-beer #cool-girls #dirty-jokes #gang-bang

I didn't pretend to know Eli at all, but even so, I'd noticed that his manner was slightly hard to read. It was something in the way he talked that made it difficult to tell whether he was kidding or serious or what. This bothered me. Or intrigued me. Or both. ↗

— Sarah Dessen Along for the Ride

#difficuly #feelings #infatuation #intrigue #joke

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? ↗

— Rita Rudner

#feeling #get #god #joke #men

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you. ↗

— Wanda Sykes

#come #couple #cut #cutting #deep

Everybody I know is a joke writer. ↗

— Ron White

#i #joke #know #writer

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me. ↗

— Robert Frost

#forgive #great #i #joke #jokes