#joke

I wish the Fallen would just come to us for a change.” Ironically, Fallen Angels dropped from the sky and surrounded us. “I wish I had a chocolate cake!” I exclaimed, staring up. No cake appeared, though I did get a few wry glances. Andrew’s body shook with silent laughter while Lucia gave me raised eyebrows. “What? It worked for the Fallen Angels. ↗

— Laura Kreitzer

#joke #timeless-series #change

I became amazed at how much my men would tolerate if someone just took the time to explain the why of it all to them. ↗

— Donovan Campbell

#joker-one #marines #courage

teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or ironic. if they say "I wish someone would drop a bomb on this school right now," that means they have arranged for a nuclear arsenal to be emptied onto the school and should be immediately suspended and ridiculed. if they say they were merely coming up with a joking excuse to postpone a bio test, reply that all jokes are funny, and that since dropping a bomb on a school is not funny, it is therefore not a joke. ↗

— David Levithan

#irony #jokes #sarcasm #teenagers #teens

If they were the jokes, I was the punch line. ↗

— Kimberly Novosel

#punchline #love

You don’t see yourself at all, do you? It seems to me that you’re good at everything you try,” said Ethan sincerely. “I had a dream I could breathe underwater,” I said flippantly, “Maybe I’ll go swim with the mermaids.” Ethan turned to look at me with shock in his eyes. “Just kidding,” I said, alarmed at his reaction ↗

— Derrolyn Anderson

#between-the-land-and-sea #derrolyn-anderson #ethan #joke #marina

In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke. ↗

— Hermann Hesse

#discordianism #eternity #humor #joke #humor

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. ↗

— Marcus Brigstocke

#humor #influence #joke #video-games #humor

I was so happy to be out of there. “Barabas, if you weren’t batting for the other team, I’d marry you.” He grinned. “If I weren’t batting for the other team, I would accept your proposal. You had me at ‘No comment.’ If all my clients were this smart, my life would be much easier. Much, much easier. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#gratitude #lawyer-jokes #humor

Honey, no offense, but sometimes I think I could shoot you and watch you kick. ↗

— Raymond Carver

#intimacy #joke #kick #love #offense

Oberon "one day Atticus was amazed to discover that when Jupiter said "As you wish," what he really meant was "I love you. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#princess-bride-jokes #love