Dave Attell

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike. ↗

— Dave Attell

#both #certain #exactly #fire #know

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school! ↗

— Dave Attell

#call #choice #cops #driving #drunk

Being on the road is kind of lonely. ↗

— Dave Attell

#kind #lonely #road

Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick. ↗

— Dave Attell

#call #find #matter #people #say

I don't mind a crowd's not laughing; it's the groans that slow down the show. ↗

— Dave Attell

#down #groans #i #laughing #mind

I don't think I'm a star or a celebrity or any thing like that. ↗

— Dave Attell

#celebrity #i #like #star #thing

I don't watch reality TV. ↗

— Dave Attell

#reality #reality tv #tv #watch

I don't watch reality TV. I'm cool. ↗

— Dave Attell

#i #reality #reality tv #tv #watch

I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears. ↗

— Dave Attell

#almost #ears #feel #i #i feel

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. ↗

— Dave Attell

#combine #eat #fish #healthiest #know