#l

Does anyone know why Will left?" Charlotte demanded, standing at the head of a long table around which the rest of them were seated. Cecily, her hands folded demurely before her, suddenly became very interested in the pattern of the carpet. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny-moment #funny

Yeah, I got her,” Will confirms. “Who you got?” I ask. “You, drunk girl. Come on.” He turns to lead me toward the exit, and I start to follow him, but for some reason my feet don’t work very well. “Um, Will?” “Yeah?” “I lost my feet.” “What?” he laughs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I can’t find my feet.” Why is everyone laughing at me? This is serious! ↗

— Kristen Proby

#funny-as-hell #funny

What kinda vows?" Celibacy? I thought, though I didn't say it. Nobody keeps a celibacy vow anyway. ↗

— Cassandra Rose Clarke

#funny #vows #funny

Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting. ↗

— Derek Landy

#funny #girl #gracious #humour #hunting

Where's Quinn?' "He went around the other side." Connor replied. Stealth mode." A war whoop and a mocking laugh belied that comment. Hunter sighed. 'He's across the street, being a lunatic, you mean.' "That's stealth mode for him. ↗

— Alyxandra Harvey

#funny #hunter #lunatic #quinn #stealth-mode

At that point in time, there were three things in life that I knew for certain: (1) I was a girl who’d never met a site she couldn’t hack or a code she couldn’t break, (2) I had a roundhouse that could put a grown man in the hospital, and (3) I would without question chop off my own hands before I’d come within five feet of a pom-pom ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#funny #funny

I remember at the premiere of my second movie I started crying. I thought, I'm so bad that I either have to stop this and do something else or learn what I'm doing. ↗

— Josh Brolin

#crying #doing #either #else #i

Asshole FBI agents that want to shoot Girl Scouts. ↗

— C.J. Roberts

#girl-scouts #yes #funny

Problem was, he couldn’t masturbate his sexual desires away because he’d fry off his cock." Hector ↗

— Gena Showalter

#funny #hector #funny

I hope something happens. I'm restless as the devil and have a horror of getting fat or falling in love and growing domestic. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#love