#lie

The most important thing to remember is that the safe word is for the client; you bring mace. ↗

I touched the small sacred images. I shook my head and bit my lip, as if to say, How awful that he should have stolen these! But I also found it very funny. And further proof that God had no power over me. ↗

— Anne Rice

#religion #vampires #funny

If you would have asked me a year ago if I believed in aliens, I’d have laughed and said no. But that was before the abduction. I don’t laugh as much anymore, mainly due to severe rectal bleeding.   ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alien #funny #funny

For about four years, I’ve been telling people I hate sour cream. One time I sent back nachos because they had sour cream on them. I started saying this because a friend I admire hates sour cream. I told him I hated it too so we could have a funny thing in common. ↗

— Megan Boyle

#funny

I don't think my mum ever understood my love of Doctor Who. Surely her strongest memory would have been me, standing at the top of the stairs, crying about how the "jelly men" were going to get me? Sorry, Mum, for those sleepless nights, but it was with good reason they called it Terror of the Zygons. ↗

— Steve Berry

#doctor-who #funny #humor #tv #youth

I love you, Ellie. You came into my life and demanded that I paid attention. I’m not letting you go, I won’t. I’ve let a lot of things go in my life, things that needed to be set free, things that if I didn’t release I would have become bitter and empty. You are not one of those things; you are one of the rare, beautiful things that I am desperate to keep. I want you forever, Ellie. ↗

— Rachel Higginson

#fin #romance #beauty

Everyone loves beauty, even the ugliest creature. ↗

— M.F. Moonzajer

#creature #love #ugliest #beauty

What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell. ↗

— Reduced Shakespeare Company

#paraphrased #romeo-and-juliet #shakespeare #humor

Stand in your own two shoes. ↗

— T. Scott McLeod

#empowering-beliefs #empowerment #responsibility #self-responsibility #self-belief

Being his real brother I could feel I live in his shadows, but I never have and I do not now. I live in his glow. ↗