#lol

I'de luv to kiss ya but I just washed my hair. ↗

— Bette Davis

#ya

Oh, my dear! I’m afraid you’ve mistaken me for someone else! My name is Rhea Silvia. I was the mother to Romulus and Remus, thousands of years ago. But you’re so kind to think I look as young as the 1950s. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#audrey-hepburn #funny #lol #percy-jackson #rhea-silvia

In the old legends, Arachne had gotten into trouble because of pride. She’d bragged about her tapestries being better than Athena’s, which had led to Mount Olympus’s first reality TV punishment program: 'So You Think You Can Weave Better Than a Goddess?' Arachne had lost in a big way. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#athena #funny #humor #lol #wicked

Not saving you from this storm, mutant,” he said. “Saving you for your later fate, we are.” His voice was weirdly inflected and metallic, like an automated answering machine. “Oh, good. Yoda captured us,” Fang whispered. ↗

— James Patterson

#lol #machine #mutant #robot #star-wars

Drugs?" "Rituals. Are YOU messing around with drugs?" "No. But maybe rituals." "Drugs might be better. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#lol #maura #raven-boys #drugs

Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing." Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#cam #funny #haha #jennifer-l-armentrout #lol

You have terminated me,” one of them said in a strange, flat voice. “But I am one of many.” “Robots!” Iggy breathed, taking Total from Angel. “One of many, one of many, one of many,” the robot Eraser was saying. Now Nudge saw the red light in its eyes, saw how they were fading and winking out. “Good!” spat the Gasman, kicking it hard. “Because we like to blow stuff up, blow stuff up, blow stuff up! ↗

— James Patterson

#bombs #fight #flying #funny #lol

And Talon did not understand – no, strike that, he didn‘t want to understand – why seeing Hawk and Roadkill together gave him a funny ache in the pit of his stomach. Every time he looked at Flit, the ache got worse. He needed to get laid. ↗

— Aggy Bird

#lol #funny

I woke up the Following morning with the Kings of Leon telling me that "my sex was on fire." I shut off my alarm and that's when all of the memories of the previous night came rushing back. ↗

— Kristen Middleton

#lol-funny #music-lyrics #funny

(Sebastian) "See, there you go. You're always looking at me like that." "Like what?" "Like I burn down animal shelters for fun and light my cigarettes with orphans. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #jonathan-morgenstern #lol #sebastian #clary-fray