#loo

So furiously each other did assayle, As if their soules they would attonce haue rent Out of their brests, that streames of bloud did rayle Adowne, as if their springes of life were spent; That all the ground with purple bloud was sprent, And all their armours staynd with bloudie gore, Yet scarcely once to breath would they relent, So mortall was their malice and so sore, Become of fayned friendship which they vow'd afore. ↗

— Edmund Spenser

#friendship #malice #friendship

Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle. ↗

— Laurie Halse Anderson

#funny #looks #to #true #up

When I said it aloud, it sounded terribly creepy, which is why I had said it aloud. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#creepy #funny #my-blood-approves #funny

I gave blood today. It came gushing out of my nose. And anus. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs." "I was curious! ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #vampire

That’s funny. You would think after being followed and shoved into a dark alley by a stranger, you would be at least a little shaken. Don’t tell me, you are a black belt just waiting for the perfect moment to strike.” He laughed soundlessly. “I mean your words do sound brave but your eyes and the fact that you’re trembling like a scared little kitten say something else entirely.” Even though the alley was submerged in darkness and shadows, it was obvious there was a devilish grin stretched across his face... ↗

— Nicole Rae

#clandestine #scary-humor #slayer #supernatural #vampire

What do you call a rifle with three barrels? A trifle. ↗

— Joseph Rosenbloom

#biggest-riddle-book-in-the-world #funniest #funny #humor #humorous

I'm not a bling-bling guy; I can't pull it off. I just look like an idiot. ↗

— Michael Vartan

#i #idiot #just #like #look

Most folks don't have but a few days to a week's worth of food in their houses at any given time. When they run out, they'll have to forage. Only the fools will forage in town. The smart ones will look on the outskirts. ↗

— Edward M. Wolfe

#food #food-storage #fool #fools #forage

LOOKING The world goes by, and what have I to do with it? I merely observe how the geese stretch their necks towards the orange rim of sky. I watch how light fades and children make their way home, hungry and tired. The bushes outside become ghosts while baths run and kitchen windows steam up with the cooking. This is the smell of our home, where I have a place in the wrinkled hours making beds and hugging boys awake. This is the sound of the house where I feel out lives into words, translate ragged nights and days into something whole, or try to. You may look if you wish..... The world goes by, and what have you or I to do with it, except perhaps for looking... ? ↗

— Jay Woodman

#bed #children #home #house #kitchen