#m

The raging burning pain was excruciating, causing me to throw up. I did however manage to remain conscious. Yay me! ↗

— P.A. Lupton

#humor

Tessa had lain down beside him and slid her arm beneath his head, and put her head on his chest,listening to the ever-weakening beat of his heart. And in the shadows they'd whispered, reminding each other of the stories only they knew. Of the girl who had hit over the head with a water jug the boy who had come to rescue her, and how he had fallen in love with her in that instant. Of a ballroom and a balcony and the moon sailing like a ship untethered through the sky. Of the flutter of the wings of the clockwork Angel. Of holy water and blood. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#death #memories #tessa-gray #will-herondale #death

Will, you look like hell!" I yelled through the glass door. "I can't say how you look," he said. "But if you look like you sound, you look like a jerk. Please help me. ↗

— Alex Flinn

#humor #humor

I took a deep breath and sighed in awe. My proverbial penis had just gotten a serious chubby. ↗

— J.L. McCoy

#vampire #humor

So I am death" Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast. "This is death toast sweety. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #death

Thou mutters, Miss Putnam. Speak up.” Like she couldn’t hear. She’d hear Chess if Chess ran to the other end of the room, covered her mouth with her hands, and whispered “Fuck you,” but she couldn’t hear Chess standing four feet away from her. ↗

— Stacia Kane

#humor #humor

Cops before breakfast.Before coffee even. As if Mondays weren't bad enough. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#humor

I don't believe this. How can he not want to go to the Savoy? God, it's all right for top businessmen, isn't it? Free champagne, yawn, yawn. Goody bags, yet another party, yawn, how tedious and dull. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#humor #humor

You can't shame a shameless man, you can only remind him of the awesome shit he's done. ↗

— Captain Perverto

#individuality #humor

Prejudice in this country is like chapters in a book. Chapter One: Hating the Africans and Indians. Chapter Two: Don't forget the Irish. Chapter Three: Polish jokes."..... "Hispanics? Latinos? Whatever you call us? Maybe we're Chapter Fifteen or Sixteen on the East Coast, but we're the preface in the West. ↗

— Emilie Richards

#controversy #culture #humor #prejudice #humor