#m

Percy ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

Give up the human, and I’ll call them off,” Reseph called out. “Fuck you.” “Incest, brother?” He shrugged. “Well, hell, I’ve tried everything else since my Seal broke… ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor

If not, well, Libby didn't care anymore. She'd turn 17 in a few months, and that was practically 18 ↗

— Angie Stanton

#humor

There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, 'Good morning, God,' and the other is to say, 'Good God, morning'! ↗

— Fulton J. Sheen

#humor #waking-up #humor

A few times I saw a chicken walking around importantly, like some kind of a regional manager. ↗

— Elif Batuman

#humor

I would so rock at running amuck. ↗

— K.C. Randall

#humor

The world doesn't want to hear about the labor pains, it only wants to see the baby. ↗

— Johnny Sain as told to Jim Bouton in Ball Four

#humor

My grandmother was a teacher, my sister was a teacher, my daughter was a teacher and is now a superintendent in northern California, and my son-in-law is a high school principal. I am surrounded. ↗

— Loni Anderson

#california #daughter #grandmother #high #high school

I rushed us out of your parents' house because I didn't think I could manage two hours at the dinner table with everyone focused on Joe Loosey's joystick sitting in the refrigerator next to the applesauce. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#joe-morelli #humor

If a human female was going to defeat a male alpha werewolf, there was only so many thing she could do to accomplish that feat. All of them were batshit. ↗

— Heather Killough-Walden

#lily #humor