#ma

She couldn’t take her eyes from the dancing flame. No, this was so wrong. Candles should be used for meditation…for romance. Or on a birthday cake at least. So where was the cake? The present? The song? As he stepped closer to her—as the damned flame got way too close—she started singing. “Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me…” Marcus paused, looking at her in disbelief. See. I knew he didn’t have a sense of humor. “Happy birthday, dear Gabi”—she lifted her head and blew out the candle—“happy birthday to me. ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#erotica #make-me-sir #humor

I lean back. "What the hell are you doing?" "What do you mean?" she asks, innocently batting her eyelashes against the hot sun beaming down on us. Is she kidding me? "Where's you toungue?" I ask stupidly. Her wet little eyebrows furrow. "In my mouth. Why, where's it supposed to be? ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor #maggie-armstrong #humor

And while we're on the subject of ducks, which we plainly are, the story, 'The Ugly Duckling' ought be banned as the central character wasn't a duckling or he wouldn't have grown up into a swan. He was a cygnet. ↗

— Russell Brand

#grammar-humor #humor

My mother read that parents should spend quality time with their children. One way is to sign up for organized activities together. This month we're taking meditation to free the mind. Last month it was Rolfing. Have you ever Rolfed, Tone?" "Only after the school's shepherd's pie," I said. ↗

— Julie Anne Peters

#humor #humor

Knock, Knock." "Who's there?" "Olive." "Olive who?" "Olive...ooh. I love you, too," he said, figuring it out. "You can tell me that one anytime you like." He folded her into his arms. ↗

— Jean Ferris

#marigold #olive #love

Crouched on the roof between BEx and Liz, I wasn't a girl who had just broken up with her boyfriend; I looked at my watch and check my gear instead of crying. I had a mission objective and not a broken heart. ↗

— Ally Carter

#breaking-up #romance #spies #teen-spies #love

I would have thought this would make me feel better.. getting to be the one to leave and not the one left behind. But it didn't. Not at all. ↗

— Sarah Dessen

#romance #sad #love

Oh my!! How you've grown. Soon you'll be catching the Lord's balls. ↗

— Marjane Satrapi

#humor #memoir #young_adult #humor

His sense of humor is purely cheap vaudeville, yet everyone falls for it. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor

she tried to stand up. It very nearly worked too … apart from the world spinning at great speed with some very pretty stars … then the ground leapt up and hit her quite hard, which was most unfair of it as she could not remember giving it any reason to … . Then the world went all fuzzy and she passed out. ↗

— Nicholas Reardon

#girls #humor #manga #reardon #humor