#mis

A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#misery #moroseness #subconscious #humor

The greater part of the world's troubles are due to questions of grammar. ↗

— Michel de Montaigne

#grammar #humor #misunderstandings #problems #troubles

Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks? ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#butler #eoin-colfer #humor #humor

A knock came at the door. Everyone looked up. Elena's nostrils flared and she leaned over to whisper something to Clay. "Fuck," he muttered. "Keep talking, Jaime. It's only Cassandra. She can wait. Forever, if we're lucky." "I heard that, Clayton," Cassandra said as she walked in. "Who the hell forgot to lock the door?" Clay said. "You were the last one in," Elena murmured. "Damn. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #mistrust #humor

Tried be cheerful, tried be upbeat, tried not to let my feelings show, not to blame him, not to mind when day after day, week after week, his nonchalance eroded my heart. Sometimes, being an optimist was quite the fucking effort. ↗

— Kristan Higgins

#optimist #humor

I alternate between feeling sympathetic toward humanity and being a misanthrope. When I'm sympathetic, it usually means I haven't been around people in awhile. ↗

— John R. Lindensmith

#humor #misanthrope #social-commentary #humor

It is not the destination where you end up but the mishaps and memories you create along the way! ↗

— Penelope Riley

#mishaps #travel #humor

Waitress: "And to drink?" Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor

...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile." "...Where's all the loot?" "That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart." Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. "You were here to rob me!" "No, I wasn't. How dare you?! ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #mulch #theif #humor

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#artemis-fowl-humor #funny #relativity #time-travel #funny