#mm

Imagine this guy hits Mike Hammer over the head with a wooden coathanger and knocks him out. You hit Mike Hammer over the head with a wooden coathanger, he'll beat the crap out of you. ↗

— Mickey Spillane

#crap #guy #hammer #head #him

I don't mind foreigners. God save the queen!" he squeaked and ran. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor #jeaniene #timmie #humor

Silence isn't golden and it surely doesn't mean consent, so start practicing the art of communication. ↗

— T.D. Jakes

#inspirational-life #inspirational-quotes #quotes-i-love #quotes-that-make-sense #silence

Emma this is not a joke. Look at your hands! They're... they're... wrinkled!" "Yes that's because-" "No way. I'm not going down for this. This isn't my fault." "Toraf-" "Galen will find some way to blame me though. He always does. 'You wouldn't have gotten caught if you didn't swim so close to that boat, tadpole.' No it couldn't be the humans fault for fishing in the first place-" "Toraf." "Or how about. 'Maybe if you'd stop trying to kiss my sister, she'd stop bashing your head with a rock.' How does my kissing her have anything to do with her bashing my head with a rock? If you ask me, it's just a result of poor parenting-" "Toraf." "Oh and my favorite: 'If you play with a lionfish, you're going to get pricked.' I wasn't playing with it! I was just helping it swim faster by grabbing its fins-" "TOR-AF." He stops pacing along the water, even seems to remember that I exist. "Yes, Emma? What were you saying? ↗

— Anna Banks

#humor #toraf #humor

No hard feelings about that time in the Crucible when you mixed my salts and I was nearly blind for a day. No. No, really, drink up! ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#fantasy #humor #revenge #simmon #humor

Have you ever sensed that our soul is immortal and never dies? ↗

— Plato

#philosophy-of-life #soul #life

Sounds like you've got it all planned out." "Honey, I've got more plans than Wes has ugly shoes." "And that's a lot." I laugh. "It sure is," she says with a sigh. ↗

— Laurie Faria Stolarz

#humor #kimmie #humor

Talk is cheap. Show me the code. ↗

— Linus Torvalds

#linux #programming #humor

I sometimes wonder if my last words on this earth will be something like, 'Oh, I knew this wouldn't work. ↗

— Quinn Cummings

#quinn-cummings #humor

At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on there clothes to keep them from being stolen. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #humor