#mo

I’m not going anywhere until you hear me out.” Oh, please no. Anything except having to listen to her lecture. I push the button that calls the nurse. “Can we help you, Alex?” a voice bellows through the speaker. “I’m bein’ tortured. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile. ↗

— Zane Stumpo

#funny #humor #humour #wit #witty

Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster, ↗

— Steven Pinker

#humor #humorous-quotations #funny

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another. ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#ball #formal #funny #hair #high-school

Boys, welcome to the wonderful world of talking to women about their feelings. As a handy primer, here are a few things you should know: 1) Women have feelings. 2) You will spend the next seventy years or so trying to guess what they're feeling and why. 3) You will be wrong most of the time. 4) I like French Fries. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #funny

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves. ↗

— Jimmy Fallon

#funny #ghostbusters #humor #leaves #funny

Satisfactory job performance goes against a noble work ethic. Poor job performance goes against a generous welfare ethic. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #job #welfare #work-ethic #funny

A brick can be used as a counting device, particularly if you only need to count up to one.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I was even a little glad that if it wasn’t going to be me she wanted, it was going to be someone who really deserved her. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#heartbreak #love #mortal-instruments #unrequited-love #love