#nic

Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes. ↗

— John Green

#homophobia #homosexuality #humor #picnic-tables #religion

As my father always used to tell me, 'You see, son, there's always someone in the world worse off than you.' And I always used to think, 'So? ↗

— Bill Bryson

#humor #humor

A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#cynicism #friendship #humor #friendship

A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded. ↗

— Daniel Handler

#ignorance #lemony-snicket #library #humor

Felix believed that the answer to every problem involved penguins; but it wasn't fair to birds, and I was getting tired of teleporting them back home. Somewhere in Antarctica, a whole flock of Magellanic penguins were undergoing psychotherapy. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #kane-chronicles #humor

Ernesto Palmer got the name Chili originally because he was hot-tempered as a kid...Now he was Chili, Tommy Carlo said, because he had chilled down and didn't need the hot temper. All he had to do was turn his eyes dead when he looked at a slow pay, not say more than three words, and the guy would sell his wife's car to make the payment. ↗

— Elmore Leonard

#nicknames #motivational

This won't stop her from getting elected," Shane said. "Stupider people get elected all the time. It's America. We love the sleazy. And the crazy." "I would like to think better of us," Claire said, "but yeah. You're right. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#election #monica #morganville #sleazy #love

I wish I was your favorite girl, I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world, I wish I was your favorite smile, I wish the way I dressed was your favorite kind of style ↗

— Kate Nash

#nice #potential #love

We didn't stow away!" Dan protested. "You sunk our boat and pulled us out of the canal!" "Good point," Ian agreed. "Return them to the canal. Roughly, please. ↗

— Gordon Korman

#dan-cahill #humor #ian-kabra #venice #humor

You're such an optimist Kane -- that's your problem. You only end up disappointed. ↗

— Paul Grist

#humor #humor