#no

I know that a man who shows me his wealth is like the beggar who shows me his poverty; they are both looking for alms from me, the rich man for the alms of my envy, the poor man for the alms of my guilt. ↗

— Ben Hecht

#beggar #both #envy #guilt #his

Hollywood held this double lure for me, tremendous sums of money for work that required no more effort than a game of pinochle. ↗

— Ben Hecht

#effort #game #held #hollywood #lure

I don't know what goes on behind my back... I always feel like, if you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything. ↗

— Amy Heckerling

#anything #back #behind #feel #goes

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#brain #brian #call #compliment #even

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#business #came #casino #exit #fire

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero? ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#down #happening #hero #hold #holds

People always ask me 'do you think there should be more bands doing political music?' and I say 'absolutely not.' ↗

— Serj Tankian

#absolutely not #always #ask #bands #doing

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#eat #fish #fishing #go #just

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#any #car #cars #coming #exactly

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#cause #down #i #know #necklace