#nu

I wanted to beat the heck out of the JV guys for that, except I wouldn't know what to do in a fistfight without a manual. ↗

— Carrie Harris

#football #funny #manual #nerd #funny

Nix and Emma: 'Looks like you just found a new talent.' 'Great. Why couldn't I be good at underwater origami or something? ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #nix-the-ever-knowing #nucking-futs-nix #funny

What was that?" Rich combined the pain of a crooked arm with the indignity of a flicked ear. I could only hope the situation didn't escalate to the dreaded purple nurple. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #purple-nurple

Supplementing the far, remote Glory-of-God expression in his face, the glory-of-doughnuts shone suddenly very warmly. ↗

— Eleanor Hallowell Abbott

#funny #humor #funny

Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a shelter, worthy of Kubla Khan's Xanadu dome; Plushy and swanky, with posh hanky panky that affluent Yankees can really call home. Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a shelter, a push-button palace, fluorescent repose; Electric devices for facing a crisis with frozen fruit ices and cinema shows. Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a shelter all chromium kitchens and rubber-tiled dorms; With waterproof portals to echo the chortles of weatherproof mortals in hydrogen storms. What a great come-to-glory emporium! To enjoy a deluxe moratorium, Where nuclear heat can beguile the elite in a creme-de-la-creme crematorium. ↗

— Yip Harburg

#rich #home

A man with nothing to sell is the most unprincipled of self-promoters. The only thing of value he has to offer a woman is his clothes. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #nudity #principles #salesmen #self-promotion

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic, and a progressive religious experience. ↗

— Shelley Winters

#age #beauty #nudity #theater #youth

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#harvard #humor #innuendo #naughty #yale

Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are guy. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon." "You noticed," said Simon. "I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual," added Magnus. "Please never say those words in front of my parents," said Alec. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#bisexual #cassandra-clare #city-of-lost-souls #funny #gay

It was hidden inside another book. One Valentine was unlikely to ever open." Magnus smiled crookedly. "Simple Recipes for Housewives. No one can say your mother didn't have a sense of humor. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#magnus-bane #humor